This is the transcript for the first Planet Sheen episode, Pilot.


[The episode begins when Sheen Estevez is walking towards Jimmy's Lab.]

Sheen [singing]: I like chicken, I like pants, but I don't like chicken in my pants, chicken in my pants, CHICKEN IN MY PAAANTS!!!

[Sheen enters the lab.]

Sheen: Hey! Anybody here? I think I left my "Ultra Lord Goes Boom-Boom" card. Oh, there it is!

[Sheen picks up the card, and notices a big, blue blanket.]

Sheen: Ooh, what's that?

[Sheen walks towards the blanket and sees a note.]

Sheen: Sheen, Do NOT Look Under This Blanket! J.N.

[Sheen uncovers the blanket and under the blanket is a rocket. Sheen climbs up a ladder and notices another note.]

Sheen: Sheen, Do NOT get into this rocket! J.N. Jimmy Neutron! Someone named J.N. is putting all these notes in your lab!

[Sheen gets into the rocket and sees another note.]

Sheen: Sheen, Do NOT Push This Button. J.N.

[Sheen throws the note out.]

Sheen: Don't push what button? There's so many!

[Sheen presses many buttons.]

Sheen: No, No, No, Not that one, no.

[Sheen presses a button and activates the rocket.]

Sheen: Oops.

[Sheen blasts off.]

Sheen: I DIDN'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[The pilot's theme song plays.]

Corus: Sheeeeen..... Sheeeeeennn....... Sheeeennnn........ Sheeennnn....... Sheeeeeeeeeennnnn.......

[Four Million and One Light Years From Earth.]

[The camera focuses on Zeenu, then shows what's on the planet.]

The Emperor: And remember my loyal Zeenunian subjects, that my palace is your palace!

[Everyone cheers.]

The Emperor: I only keeped you locked out so that it would stay nice.

[The people are confused.]

The Emperor: Remember, we are all Zeenunians, and as told in The Book of Great Goodness, one glorious day, a mighty visitor from another galaxy will come to our planet, bringing peace, prosperoty, and eternal joy.

[Suddenly, something shows up in the Zeenunian sky.]

The Emperor: Look! It is possible. It is here!

[Everyone gasps in excitement.]

The Emperor: Everyone! Prepare yourselves for the most magical, magnificent... Uh... it's going kinda fast.

[The things goes fast and everyone gets afraid, even The Emperor!]

[The Emperor hides in the mouth of a guard.]

[Then, when a green alien named Dorkus is walking to his house, but the thing crashes into the house.]

Dorkus: MY HOUSE!!!! Grrr.....

[Everyone gathers around the thing, which is a rocket.]

The Emperor: Look at that skyflyer! I've never seen anything like it! What kind of wonderous creature could create such an amazing contraption?! He must be brilliant! Amazing! Superior to us in every way!

[Then, Sheen comes out of the rocket.]

Sheen: Hey! Where's the bathroom in this place?! I gotta go serious bad! I'm talking the movie just spinning in mega so I just dont wanna miss the bad guy get caught and the crowd go AUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Then, everyone screams.]

Sheen (narrating): That's me, Sheen Estevez, and I made a huge mistake: I should've gone to the bathroom before I left Earth.

Guard: He's hideous!

Alien with Child: Don't let the baby see him!

Three-Eyed Alien: Cover your eyes!

[A guard puts The Emperor down.]

The Emperor: Greeting, space traveler. I am Emperor...

[The Emperor does a whole montage of his name.]

The Emperor: ...the 23rd.

Sheen: Hi...

[Sheen does the montage too.]

Sheen: How was that? Was that right? It felt right.

The Emperor: Why don't you just call me Emperor, Grand Head Leader of Zeenu.

Sheen (narrating): That's The Emperor, he's a big powerful dude here, even though he has the size of a cute little puppy... with a squid head!

Sheen: Okay, Emperor, I'm Sheen Estevez, I come from Earth.

The Emperor: Earth? I never heard of Earth, and you speak Zeenunian!

Sheen: Wow, Zeenunian sounds just like English!

Dorkus: This foul alien has destroyed my house, and now I am going to destroy him!

Pinter: Oh, yes, that's totally fair. You just did redecorate, The Emperor seems to like him.

Dorkus: Very not, Pinter. As High Supreme Royal Advisor, The Emperor does anything I say. Emperor!

The Emperor: Yes, Dorkus?

Sheen: Dorkus.

[Sheen starts to laugh.]

Sheen: Your name is Dorkus!

Sheen (narrating): That's right, this is Dorkus. He might be scary... if his name wasn't Dorkus! Tee-hee! Dorkus!

Dorkus: This foul alien has destroyed my house!

Sheen: Excuse me, but I think it was your house that destroyed my rocket... Dorkus. Heh-heh.

[Dorkus throws Sheen.]

The Emperor: Oh! This technology is astonishing! Where's the part that goes...

[The Emperor does a short raspberry.]

Sheen: Cool sound effects, dude! Can you do this?

[Sheen puts his right hand up his nose, and appears at his left ear.]

The Emperor: Amazing!

[Sheen gets back to normal.]

The Emperor: You must teach me how to do that!

Sheen: I don't know, it took me about three years and a lot of attention. By the way, I still need to use the bathroom!

The Emperor: What is this thing you call... a bathroom?

Sheen: It's where you- Aw, man! Where's your ear?!

The Emperor: Right here.

[The Emperor raises his left arm.]

[Sheen starts to whisper something in The Emperor's "ear".]

The Emperor: Ahaha... you want the small room where you get rid of yucky things! Uh... go that way, turn left, third door, the lock is broken, so knock.

[Sheen goes off.]

Dorkus: Excuse me, your royal regalness, but it says here in The Book of Great Goodness, "The who destroyth the house of Dorkus, shall he, himself, be destroyed."

The Emperor: Really? That doesn't sound like The Great Goodness. Where does it say that?

Dorkus: Uh, right here at the bottom of the page in teeny tiny print-

[Dorkus closes the book.]

Dorkus: Don't strain the royal eyes.

The Emperor: Well, one musn't go against The Book of Great Goodness.

[Sheen is using the bathroom.]

Sheen: Ahhh... oh yeah! Now we're talking!

The Emperor: Must we execute him, Dorkus?

Dorkus: YES!

The Emperor: Well, he could teach us about his planet's history...

Sheen: Ahhh...

The Emperor: ...and art, and science, and...

Sheen: Now I'm done! Oops! I was wrong!

The Emperor: ...and culture!

Sheen: What did I drink?!

Dorkus: He could not teach you anything most wonderous wise one!

[Sheen comes back.]

Sheen: So, where were we?

Dorkus: GUARDS! Seize him, and take him to the Palace... of Pain.....

[The guards grab Sheen.]

Sheen: Hey! Let me go! Hey!

[The scene cuts to The Palace of Pain.]

Emcee: Welcome to the Palace of Pain!

Alien: Yoo-hoo!

Emcee: Today's execution is made possible by Bleen on a Stick: the tasty treat everyone wants to eat! And now, here's the star of our show, but not for very long, SHEEN!!!!

[A cage lifts up Sheen.]

Sheen: Hey! Get me out of here, or I'll have to kick some serious alien butt, even his!

[Sheen points to an six-butted alien.]

Alien: Hmm???

Sheen: And if you think I won't, your dreaming then-

[Sheen realizes something.]

Sheen: Hey, that's it! This is all a dream!

[Sheen closes his eyes and sees himself waking up in his bed.]

Sheen: I'll be waking up, and the sun will be shining...

[Sheen gets up and waves to Otis and Pig from Back at the Barnyard.]

Sheen: I'll be back on the farm, the roosters will be crowing, and I'll be with the pigs, and- Hey, wait a minute, I don't live on a farm.

[Dorkus comes through Sheen's "window".]

Dorkus: And your not dreaming either! It's time to parrish, alien!

[Sheen's imagination ends and Sheen is let out of his cage.]

Sheen: Oh really? Well, maybe this super rare Ultra Lord limited edition hologram card will change your mind!

[Dorkus grabs the card, and then rips it apart.]

Sheen: Hey! That was in mint condition! You owe me 25 cents!

Emcee: And now, put your succinct cups and pinchers and tentacles together for the guy who knows how to tear apart in 104 ways, including emotionally, Zeenu's own alien inhalator... Bobb.

[Instead of the metal doors, Bobb comes through a wall beside the door.]

Sheen: Gah!

[Bobb comes towards Sheen, and Sheen is afraid, and Bobb takes off his big wooden mask and shows his really small head.]

Bobb: Listen, I, I wanna get home early, it's my kid's birthday and everything, okay, and I gotta pick up the cake and- goh! Look at the time! So let's get this over with okay? Do you wanna be stabbed, squashed, smashed, cracked, or what?

Sheen: How about a light tickling, huh? Huh?

Dorkus: Bobb, destroy him now, or we take away your parking space!

Bobb: WAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sheen: Okay, I think it's time to do what I do best: RUN AND SCREAM!!!!! AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Bobb: Come here so I can smash you! Haha!

[Bobb tries to smash Sheen by using his spiky bat, but he misses and makes the crowd go up.]

[Then, Sheen continues to dodge Bobb. ]

Bobb: Hey, where did he go?

Sheen: Better hope I don't stop running, because if I do, you're going down!

[Sheen bumps into the bell.]

Emcee: And now an unbelievably short intermission.

[Sheen is worn out.]

Vendor: Hey, really works out an appetite, doesn't it? You look like you can use a Bleen on a Stick.

Sheen: Well, I do have to try different foods when I travel.

[Sheen is given a Bleen on a Stick, and sees that the food is a living alien.]

Bleen on a Stick: Hello! I sincerely hope you enjoy your Bleen on a Stick!

[The bell is rung.]

Bobb: YAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sheen: Aw, man! Talking food?!

Bleen on a Stick: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

[The Bleen on a Stick falls into Bobb's mouth, and his head turns red and puffy.]

Bobb: I-I'm allergic to Bleen's! Auuuugghhhh.....

[Bobb falls to the ground.]

The Emperor: Sheen is the winner! You have defeated Bobb! By the power infested in ME, I declare you free!

Dorkus: But your most majestic majesty-

The Emperor: Silence, Dorkus. Sheen, oh brave warrior, would you like to be the new alien inhalator? You get a really nice parking space.

Sheen: No thanks. I gotta go home.

Dorkus: Home? Yes, you must.

Sheen: Yeah, if I'm not back by 4:30, my grandma will make my bottom feel like that guy's face.

[Sheen points to Bobb.]

Bobb: I'm in so much paaaaiiin!

Sheen: Good thing I know the slime-lick maneuver!

[Sheen helps Bobb and the Bleen flies.]

Bleen on a Stick: Saved!

[But then, the Bleen gets eaten by one of the people in the crowd.]

Bleen on a Stick: Oh, Dork it!

Dorkus: Shall we get you home... alien?

[The scene cuts to a repaired rocket and Sheen is ready to fly.]

Sheen: Okay, some tape, a little gum, some twines, a sweet paint job, I am ready fly again! I shall never forget this seriously messed-up planet, especially you, Dorkus. Heh heh, Dorkus.

The Emperor: Oh, must you leave, Sheen? Is there nothing I can do to change your mind?

[Dorkus "helps" Sheen get his helmet on and onto his rocket.]

Dorkus: No, no, no, sorry, there isn't.

The Emperor: But, won't you please coincider staying for a while-

Dorkus: No, no, no, he won't!

Sheen: Sorry, but I got to get back to my family and my friends, and go to school... and do homework, and make my bed, and moe the lawn, and take out the trash instead of staying here being a space warrior and fighting evil aliens and have cool, awesome adventures- WAIT A MINUTE! Do you have The Ultra Lord show on this planet?

The Emperor: What is Ultra Lord-

Sheen: I'm outta here, peace! Prepare for lift-off, 3, 2, 1! Adios, Dorkus.

[Dorkus waves his fingers with a nervous face to Sheen, then suddenly, Sheen's ship explodes.]

The Emperor: Sheen, no!

Dorkus: MuahahahahahahahaHAHAHAHA----

[Dorkus' evil laugh was interrupted when Sheen landed in his hands.]

Sheen: Wow, your dress is very soft.

Dorkus: Oh, grock!

Sheen: Before this ship can be repaired, we'll need the broken things made unbroken, and then the technology stuff need to flash and blink. I will fly again!

[The Emperor is riding on slugs.]

The Emperor: Sheen, my boy.

Sheen: Oh, major snail trail from sluggies.

The Emperor: I assume you're progressing well with the rocket. Oh, imagine my very own rocketship.

[Then, the rocket falls apart behind Sheen.]

Sheen: Yeah, uh-huh.

The Emperor: We'll have the guards bring the pieces back to the palace so that you can fix it there. Hop on. Tell me the history of your planet, Earth. I want to know everything!

[Sheen gets on.]

Sheen: Well, Earth began with a big bang. BOOM! Then George Washington popped out of a hole in the Earth like a gopher.

[The scene cuts to the palace, and Sheen is still telling his "history" of his planet.]

Sheen: And the dinosaurs roamed the land, and made freeways to get to Thomas Edison as he invented basketball. And Lans Armstrong landed on the moon. The End.

???: Daddy!

The Emperor: Ah, perfect timing. Sheen, you must meet my beautiful daughter, Princess OomLout.

Sheen: Princess? Oooohhh... this could be my long-awaited royal companion! I woo her, the special lady.

[Sheen notices how big the princess is and screams in terror.]

Sheen: Screaming in terrific fear is a great compliment on my planet.


Sheen: Hi, I'm....

[Sheen screams in terror again.]

Sheen: Uh, Sheen.

Princess Oom: OOHHH, my great goodness! Isn't he the cutest thing you've ever seen?!

[Princess Oom switches heads.]

Princess Oom: I love you! Duaaaaaagh.....

[Sheen's freaked out.]

[Oom switches back to her cheerleader head.]

Oom #1: I'm Oom. I'm just gonna call you Sheenie Weenie.

Sheen: Uh, just Sheenie, lose the Weenie.

Oom #1: Hmm, okay Sheenie... Weenie!

[Oom laughs out of controllably.]

Oom #1: I said it even you said not to say it.

[Oom laughs again and Sheen is freaked out silently again.]

[Oom switches heads again.]

Oom #2: I wanna give you something special, lalalalalala, a raphenhopper.

[Oom gives Sheen a big lick.]

Sheen: Can I go back to the Palace of Pain?

Oom #2: I'll meet you there! Ha! Ha!

[Oom switches heads.]

Oom #1: Bye, Teenie Sheenie Weenie! Hahaha! I added the Teenie! Haha!

[Dorkus is spying on them.]

Dorkus: Enjoy your stay, alien, PEST, for this day will surely be your last. You ruined my home, and then somehow take my primary posistion with the Emperor, but I have a plan to eliminate that PEST once and for all!

[Dorkus does an evil laugh.]

Dorkus: The laugh, too much?

Pinter: I don't like it, I LOVE IT!

Dorkus: Emperor!

The Emperor: Dorkus.

Dorkus: Your majesty...

Sheen: Hey, there, Dorkus. Hehehe.

Dorkus: What may I ask is so amusing?

Sheen: Oh, nothing... Dorkus! Hehehe....

[Sheen notices something.]

Sheen: Wow, your lady clothes are so suffice. What kind of fabric softener do you use?

Dorkus: These are not lady clothes! This is a manly cloak. My lord, I come to you with an urgent matter. We have reports of a strange creature in Sector 5, it could be... A Chocktow!

The Emperor: A Chocktow?!

Guard #2: A chocktow?! Oh, we'll all be destroyed!

[The guard jumps out of a window, screaming.]

Sheen: Is that a bad thing?

The Emperor: The Book of Dangerous Creatures!

[A guard comes with The Book of Dangerous Creatures.]

Guard #1: What creature do you seek, my lord?

[The Emperor points to a picure of a Chocktow standing under a daisy.]

The Emperor: I really want this one here.

Guard #1: A chocktow?!

[That guard does the same thing.]

The Emperor: You know, I really wish we had braver guards.

Sheen: What's a chocktow?

The Emperor: A chocktow is the most dangerous creature on our planet! No one has ever survived an attack!

[Sheen checks out the page, thinking the chocktow is small.]

Sheen: Woah, pretty scary... IF YOUR LIKE A MOUSE OR SOMETHING!

[Sheen uses his fingers to see what size it is on the page.]

Sheen: I shall conquer this Chocktow and return in time for the big celebration in my honor.

The Emperor: Brave Sheen, I must warn you, the Chocktow is a powerful beast.

Sheen: No problemo! An ant can lift ten times it's body weight, and I can lift many, many ants!

Dorkus: I shall go with him, to make sure he doesn't have a gruesome accident...

[Dorkus starts laughing, but stops in the middle of it to notice they were seeing him laughing.]

The Emperor: Dorkus, I'm not feeling the laugh.

Sheen: Dude, I thought you swallowed your tounge or something.

Dorkus: Let's just go!

Sheen: Do you have a history of seizures?

[The scene cuts with Sheen, Dorkus, and Pinter riding a red flying beast.]

Sheen: Faster! Faster! This is awesome!

Pinter: Uh, sir, this isn't Sector 5, this is The Valley of the Unpleasant Holes-

Dorkus: Silence! Oh, look! A chocktow!

Sheen: How can you see a tiny, little Chocktow from way up here?

Dorkus: Oh, Sheen, then why don't you take a closer look!

[Dorkus kicks Sheen off.]


[Sheen gets eaten by one of the holes.]

Dorkus: How tragic. I must go home and cry on my pillow... Muahahahaha...

[Meanwhile, Sheen falls down from the hole's mouth and lands in something stinky.]

Sheen: That was either totally cool or totally disgusting!

[Sheen gets up and notices someone at a control panel.]

Sheen: Woah, it's an old-time astronaut guy with crazy body hair!

[Just then, the person walks out of the shadows and it turns out to be a monkey.]

Sheen: It's a monkey! Oh, man, this planet just got 500 times cooler!

Monkey: You are from Earth! At last, someone has come to rescue me!

[Sheen gasps in excitement.]

Sheen: You're a talking monkey! Awesome!

Monkey: Actually, I am a chimpanzee, which means that I am an ape, not a monkey. Apes have no tails.

Sheen: Nuh-huh, Mr. Monkey, dead men have no tails.

[The monkey clears his throat.]

Monkey: I am an ape, and my name is Mr. Nesmith.

Sheen: My name's Sheen. So, how did you get here Mr. Nesmonkey.

Nesmith: Well, 40 years ago, my capsule crashed, I believe the extreme atmosphere and pressure caused an acceleration of brain cells, giving me advanced intellegance and the ability to speak.

[While Nesmith was talking, Sheen fell asleep, and Sheen woke up when Nesmith clapped two times.]

Sheen: Do you know any monkey songs?

Nesmith: I am not--

Sheen [singing]: Hey there, Mr. Monkey! Let's get all funky!

Nesmith: Evolution must be going reverse.

[Nesmith clears his throat again.]

Nesmith: Uh, you came here on a rocket, yes?

Sheen: No, I came through that hole.

Nesmith: I mean't to this planet?

Sheen: This isn't a planet, this is a cave.

Nesmith: I mean't the planet that the cave is in?

Sheen: The planet's caving in?! RUN!

Nesmith: No, no, no, no, how did you get to this planet from Earth?

Sheen: In a rocket, duh!

[Nesmith sighs.]

Nesmith: So, can you take me back to Earth?

Sheen: My rocket don't work, someone broke it with their house.

Nesmith: Well, I might be able to fix it. I was trained in the National Space Agency.

Sheen: You can fix my rocket?! Why are we here, let's go, monkey man!

[Later, Sheen and Nesmith are in a canyon in the dark, and then, they hear a roar.]

Nesmith: Sheen, that sounded like a chocktow!

Sheen: So, I saw a picture of one of those little dudes standing under a daisy! I can handle a cho---

[Sheen sees a giant daisy.]

Sheen: Kay, just out of curiosity, on this planet, are all the daisies that big?

Nesmith: It seems the climatological factors on Zeenu have a bowstring effect on the vegetation.

Sheen: Oh... what does climatiological mean, and bowstring, and vegetation?

Nesmith: Big daisies.

Sheen: Oh.Eh,

[Nesmith and Sheen hear a big roar and when they see a shadow of a Chocktow, they hide behind a rock, and the Chocktow breathes out fire.]

Sheen: Oh man, that's one awesome monster!

[The Chocktow roars again.]

Sheen: Hmm... what would Ultra Lord do? I know! He would zap the Chocktow with his Astro-Blaster 9000 which I didn't get for CHRISTMAS THANKS A LOT SANTA!

[The Chocktow notices what Sheen said.]

Nesmith: What we really need is a plan!

[Sheen tries to think of a plan, then sees an axe chopped into a stump, with rope tied to the stump, then a pulley on a tree branch, and then a metal cage above the Chocktow.]

Sheen: Eh, I got nothing.

[The Chocktow notices Sheen and Nesmith, then the Chocktow goes to grab one of them.]

Sheen: I wonder who's gonna eat first?

[The Chocktow grabs Nesmith.]

Sheen: Guess that answers that question.

[The Chocktow growls at Nesmith.]

Sheen: Let him go, unless you want to feel the wrath of Sheen: 58 and a half pounds of pure muscle!

[The Chocktow growls at Sheen.]

Sheen: Oh! You got a hangnail just like my grandma!

[Sheen starts chewing on the hangnail, then the Chocktow grabs Sheen. Then, a blue girl appears and lands on the Chocktow's head.]

Sheen: Woah, cool blue girl!

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